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Things Lots Of People Will Put On Their Resumes In 2014 (And How To Explain Them To Your Parents)

February 7th, 2014

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2014. New year – new you, and all that stuff.

If you’ve decided that 2014 is your big year to make a career change then you’ve probably already noticed that there’s a few new job titles and role descriptions going around.

Technology is changing the way we do our work, and generally people are just getting better at making up titles that make them sound cooler and more sought-after.

But what does it all mean? And more importantly, when you land the new job, how do you explain to your parents what being a “Front-End Interface Architect” involves?

Let me break down some of the big ones for you.

Big Data Specialist

“Big Data” is a swanky new term that people use to describe a situation where a company has so much data that the software programs they use don’t know what to do with all of it.

When you’ve got too much data, who do you call? A Big Data Specialist. They’ll sort through all the numbers and organise it into neat piles of information that your company can use to make more money.

Social Media Campaign Manager

If you’re as unlucky as I am, your parents already have Facebook, so explaining to them the basic concept of what a “social media” website is, might not be too hard.

In the same way that everyday users like you and I use Facebook to make ourselves look cool and far more interesting than what we really are, companies also use Facebook to feed people a vision of how they want their brand to be perceived.

Enter the Social Media Campaign Manager. This guy is in charge of making sure that everything that goes on with a company’s Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Google+, etc page is in line with their perceived image. Whenever there are competitions, public rallies or anything else interesting happening on a company’s social pages, you know that somewhere in their offices, there is a Campaign Manager slowly pulling their hair out.

Content Creator

“Hey Mum. Hey Dad. You know how on a website, there’s stuff? Pictures? Words? Photos? Videos? Well someone has to make that. It doesn’t just happen.”

And that’s pretty much how you explain what a Content Creator does. These guys are the ones that are responsible for making a website worth visiting.

Cloud Engineer

Phwoar. Where do we start here? A Cloud Engineer is responsible for leveraging the methods used to….

Nah. I reckon it’s better to just make it up. Tell your parents that you’re now responsible for what shapes the clouds take as they float around in the sky. Tell them that it’s been a lie this whole time that clouds are a part of nature and that they’re actually controlled by computers. Which is why you spend so much time on yours.

Corporate Wellness Coach

This is a fancy new term for someone who works in Human Resources. A corporate wellness coach is someone who is responsible for making sure that everyone is as happy and as well-trained as they can be to perform their roles.

With such pressure to create a great “culture” within a company these days, big corporations need a Wellness Coach to think up fun new things to do with staff such as massages, 8-week challenges, BBQs and Pyjama Fridays.

Growth Hacker

Last of all we have the Growth Hacker. A Growth Hacker is a clever little guy who uses his frugality, innovation and experience to help new companies grow quickly.

They often jump around from marketing, to IT, to product development doing whatever they can to weave their growth magic. It’s very confusing and vague and I think you only really know what a Growth Hacker does if you already are one.

Good luck with your job-hunting!

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